the heart has its reasons, of which reason does not know.

Thus begins my nanowrimo 2005 blog.

Here we are, 25 days to the beginning, and while I'd decided on a single plot, there are some confessions that I must make:

1. technically, i already started it. i know, i know, that's not the game plan. in fact, it's grounds for instant death in the nanowrimo world. but i didn't write much, and i wouldn't count that towards my limit... but all of this is rationalization. but really, does it matter to anyone but me? if i get it written in the end, isn't that the idea?

2. i have no idea where said plot would go. right now i have bits and pieces, and i don't really have the focus to put the whole story together. it's urban fantasy, which is a "safe" genre, which is really to say that i feel most comfortable with it, but the downside is that there are few structural limits to where it could go, and it could end up just wandering here and there if i didn't get it set in one specific direction.

3. i'm starting to kick around ideas for a new plot. the working title is "the secret life of atoms," and it's about... well, a lot of things. it's about love and mental illness and quantum theory and physics and deep breaths and a string of amazing, defineable moments. it's a lot more real, and not really a fantasy at all (though, like life, it certainly has a string of fantastic elements). it's about what we think makes us who we are and who we still are after everything has fallen apart. it's painful and frank and reminds me overwhelmingly of coughing-- that sensation that your chest is going to give way not from pressure but from lack thereof. but realism isn't what i would call a "safe" genre, but right now... i think that this might be the best story for me. and it has a definite path, and perhaps one just as interesting as the other story.

so the question remains, do i want to do things the easy way, or do i want some serious work ahead of me? i think it's already clear which one i have to do. it's just very strange that i would pick the real world over fancy at any point in time.